im watching my roommate bang this girl. she doesn't look like she's any good, because he has a bored look on his face...
I projectile vomited into my sink. Jealous?
Kind of. My puke would have just dribbled down my chin and missed the sink completely.
Ohh that happened after I started to cry.
you know you made it when your beer pong table is made from imported italian hardwood
Had sex to a Lionel Richie song. I have a feeling I was conceived to it. Finally reached full circle.
They were going around the house breaking things and screaming "Not my house!"
THAT WAS PROBABLY MY ONE CHANCE TO SLEEP WITH A MAN NAMED BORIS AND YOU RUINED IT.
and he should realize what an amazing ex i am for encouraging my best friend to hook up with him
still using moms red Christmas cookie plate she sent to cut lines on. not sure I can return with a clear conscious
You can't start the super bowl without starting a kitchen fire making cole slaw. Its unamerican.
I don't even want to know
He's not actually Jewish. Turns out he just wears the yarmulke to cover his bald spot.
actually there are like 49038098 people in the bathroom for no reason. Singing My Heart Will Go On and pseudo fighting.
Still pimpin that dick in the cornfields. Now it's just transferred to the local bar.
If this adventure is going to get us arrested it'll have to wait until Wednesday so that I can bail myself out.
I took it as a sign from the lord above that she wanted me to creep on these men.
AND ONCE AGAIN THE HENNESSEY MAKES ME A SUPER SAIYAN
Oh for fuck's sake, is that why the couch is in the pool???
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