i just caught my roommate coming out of the bathroom half naked with a surge protector. he told me he didn't wanna talk about it.
She rode me to the beat of Baby Got Back. I swear to god.
She said if it slipped out one more time she was going to duct tape it in her vagina
her parents were awake and in the next room. i think i deserve a big fucking medal for that orgasm.
You were in my dream and you got the lyrics to lollipop tattooed on your chest. Don't get it, it wasnt that cool.
For the record I fully support drunken you in most social situations... Just not charity events.
If we were to wake in ur bed together, what are the 3 words you would say to me?
Get out now.
someone lit off fireworks while I puked in the street. I was like congratulating me for making it through homecoming.
Just charged fat mistake $3 for a beer.
I got to see some gay bartender let a girl with daddy issues whip Travis in the balls with his own belt. Totally worth it.
You should help rebuild my confidence with your dick. Altruism: Pass it on.
Seriously bro? Indoor roman candle wars? I guess I'll never see that fucking security deposit again
In other news, the one guy I DIDN'T have sex with in High School is now famous.
We should get drunk in walmart
when?
20 minutes ago
yeah, my mom got it for me because it had animals AND alcohol.
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