When are you freeeeeeeeee?
My phone auto corrected that to freeeeeeeeeedoooooooooom. That's kinda awesome.
i have received so many congratulations texts this morning. sleeping with him really was a good decision.
You know... If I put the same amount of effort into school as I put into giving women orgasms I would be a Rhodes scholar
you were standing in two feet of water, screaming at people walking by to "call river rescue".
How bad does the situation have to be before its ok to attempt 'catastrophic event sex'?
It's not like I ment to feed you the shots of vodka, my hand just kinda slipped.
If you two are having sex, stop. I have something really important to ask you about psychics.
Attempted to dodge my boyfriends cum last night and ended up falling off the bed and getting the worlds most painful charlie horse. fuck my life.
is there any kind of "im boning my neighbor and he happens to be a manager at walmart" discount that our new relationship entitles me to??
You grabbed the hot guy that was making out with his girlfriend all night, slurred "I need to borrow this" then shoved your hand down his pants. All because you thought your ex walked into the bar. It was majestic in its shitshowness.
I feel like my body was put in a dryer with rocks set on permanent press.
She took a six hour road trip with me so I could have revenge sex with my ex's brother. That is the definition of a best friend.
Have you considered sword swallowing? Something about that bj tells me you could make a it a career.
Open the door and I will lure them out to freedom with viagra and candy orange slices. You know they love that shit.
Let's not forget that we had sex on the ground in public tonight.
Randomize
