Why is my head in the toilet this morning but there is vomit behind the toilet
At a bar where three women in denim shorts are debating techniques and skillsets for wrangling goats. You stay classy Delaware.
going to class early so i have time to go on the moonbounce. this is why i go to art school.
I'm already mentally preparing myself for the fact that I'll probably be sleeping next to a toilet.
You slept with a red coat way too close to independence day. It's just very unpatriotic.
My mother walked into the bathroom at 345 am while I was splashing in the bathtub with the remnants of her birthday cake all over me... she looked at me and walked out...
Think about if the incredible hulk and king kong had a retarded baby. That's the sound she made in my ear the entire time I fucked her.
There's puke on my pillow. I'm still wearing my wedges. And I have a cab drivers number clutched in my fist.
It's official, there's a sex tape of me floating around some high school
Im currently watching two girls making out. In the library. Hope your studying is going as good as mine is. Haha
It's either gonna be a cock in my mouth or a burger. You decide which.
All I know is that every time I looked at my glass it was full again and I thought it would be rude not to drink it
I doubt the gods of funday Sunday would exact such a high price... But it's good to know an afternoon with me is worth a left foot.
i got kicked out of the casino for drunken disorderly conduct because i kept stumbling into old people and one of them told on me. as the boucer was taking down my information so i could no re-enter i ripped my id out of his hands while yelling fuck you.
I duct taped a bottle of vodka to the back of your closet while you were sleeping in case of emergencies. Go rip it off, it's going to be a long night.
Randomize
