nothing screams I HAVE A PROBLEM! like the case of miller lite sitting on top of my DUI papers in the passenger seat of my car. lol
even my farts smell like vagina
well you haven't lived until you've been 86'ed from a family restaraunt
His appology was" look at it this way, at least you'll give better head without those teeth.'
i noticed he has a cardboard window on his car and he told me he locked his keys in his car and had to break in...this only makes him more appealing
do you think a sharp knife would stab through a cheese suit?
Do you have any booze?
Well I have 60 feet of bubble wrap and a bottle of wine...but I'm saving that for a special girl...
Judging by my bruises, I know I took more than one tumble. I probably pulled u down w me, and then punched you in the knee. Been trying to find a place to fix my phone between naps today. Almost no place accepts hand js as currency these days. 2013 is gonna be expensive and whorey.
Its okay that he doesn't remember you, he only remembers girls by their boobs and I think you were wearing a jacket
I'm surprised I don't have a permanent face imprint between my boobs.
I'm not sure how to explain it, but I feel like our penises have a connection. Like long lost brothers. We're not even gay.
I went down on her on the dining room table. That should count for something.
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
DO IT!
i know were having a "heart to heart" right now, but does it make you feel uncomfortable that im sexting someone right now?
Randomize
