Soooo my gf got the droid and doesn't have BBM anymore, I think its over for her
I found out that all you need to write a 12 page paper is adderall and twizzlers
I woke up to her staring at me in a corner moaning over and over again about how good the pie crust tasted
Apparently as she was dragging me out of the club, I was clinching onto this european guy screaming at Jenna: that's the 12th time you've cockblocked me tonight
She cheated on me with the same state trooper that wrote me a ticket.
I guess now you have a way to keep your license when you bring that up in court.
Dude, you are the most awesome.
His search history includes homemade sex toys and a plunger. I'm scared about what goes on in their place.
if this uncomfortable exchange we're having is you trying to flirt with me i suggest you stop it before someone gets hurt
there's an entire drinking game devoted to nobody liking her face
I am a good friend because I got you a bagel. I am a bad friend because I ate half of it.
I sent him a tit pic with the caption, "Mt. Arie and Mt. Hola are ready for expedition." Too nerdy?
Its like drunk me is Oprah except instead of a car everyone's award is seeing my boobs
I just fixed my mom's tv over the phone in 2.17 minutes while high. I'm a fucking professional.
I tried to face swap with Chuck Norris. His face was too powerful... it broke my snap chat.
Welcome aboard the S.S. struggle. I'll be your captain for today's voyage and Jeremy is your first mate. Just sit back and relax while we navigate the seas of drunken regret. Your forecast for the day is violently hungover with a chance of "shit, that really did happen!"
Every time I look at him 'Relax' by Frankie Goes to Hollywood plays in my head. Is that weird?
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