So I was throwing up in this fancy toilet at a party last night, when he decided it would be funny to flush it. It was a beday. I had to walk out with toilet water and regurgitated rumpleminze all over my face and shirt.
Just got blown on the bus in front of abot 20 ppl. Lots of high fives.
I'm having post traumatic stress flashbacks of last night. That big. Don't know whether to call him again or change my name...
Haha so I huess that means he's a little over 7. I can use my throat as a ruler!!
One less school supply you need to buy!!
we decided to do a scavenge hunt for ourself for when we walked back to our apartments. We hid taco bell behind some bushes. I think they are still good.
By round 4 of the Dead End shots, I thought my jaw was dislocated ... Best invention EVER.
Your lower body and my face have had way too much contact lately.
And I would just like to take the time to say my boobs look great today.
She pulled up to the bar in a limo, wasted, and alone. Gets out, shrugs and slurs "I couldn't find a cab" and proceeds to take a shot.
I'm in love.
The resort was totally empty, just June and I. Which of course lead to EXCESSIVE day drinking and outdoor fucking. FYI Dominicans LOVE to watch.
It's technically 2016 but since I haven't gone to bed I'm still counting it as 2015, so I'm gonna drink all the alcohol in my house so tomorrow I can become the better version of myself that I'll be for 5 minutes.
I'm a lady who knows what she wants in life, and that's uncommitted dick.
I'm slowly starting to accept that you have to be a sociopath to be attracted to me
On a scale from 1 to 10 how gross is it to get a chili dog from a vending machine?
Listen all I know is that mistakes were made and she stole the car and drove half an hour for food at 4 am
Randomize
