if you don't start talking to me i'm gonna tell your gf that you said she tastes bad
oh and i really hope miley falls off this mountain she is climbing
Every time a guy reaches down to touch my vag, i feel really sorry for all the transgender girls who still have a penis there.
That's weird cause every time i feel a girls vag i feel way worse for all the guys who reached down there and got a penis.
he pretended not to hear me say our safety word. how do you think I feel?
I woke up with a solved rubics cube in my purse
This needs to stop. I just vacuumed the wall. Adderall is a double edged sword.
I would not wish his dick upon my worst enemy
She told me I made the cut, and to write my name and number on the white board by the door. I was the 7th number down.
trust me, you don't know shame until you're in a peacock costume getting CPR by random dudes
I just had the weirdest moment. Made eye contact at the bar with a girl who has seen my vagina.
He was too drunk, and my mother and I ended up babysitting him. He told her I have amazing mouth skills, and that I love the "chorizo" he feeds me. All she said was "And on the list of 30 things you never want to hear about your daughter..." while gripping the steering wheel.Please just fucking kill me now.
I'm so glad you support me having casual sex with your uncle
It's amazing the amount I can accomplish with a glass of wine in my hand.
Why do pants feel so unnatural once you enter your own house
I just sent a Slack that autocorrected tomorrow to gonorrhoea. Please note that Slack autocorrect isn’t very good.
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