I drank too much. My snot smells like vodka when I blow my nose.
I'm having a terrible night. Can I sleep over?
Too tired to pretend that I care : (
the lady in the checkout infront of me had a case of beer, two 40 oz, and activia...really??i dont' think irregularity is her problem
there needs to be a build-a-bong store...
Because of no shave november, it's no boys december... pay back
only 75% of american men are circumcised...i guess this was bound to happen to me someday.
Totally just sport flirted the shit out of a girl on a wheelchair. I've done my good deed for the day.
That one life defining moment when you catch yourself pouring whisky into your hot chocolate at 4 am, whilst crying and talking to your dog.
I'm lowering my standards just so I can get laid, but I draw the line when a guy spells cool kewl
We're high and this subject came up and I'd like a female opinion: if you were a dude, what would you do if a girl tried to give you a foot job?
He tried to reenact Braveheart's freedom scream but got tackled by his drunk roommate who thought he was yelling that the handle he was holding up was free.
She found my old SD card with stuff I "didn't keep" or "didn't record us doing".... She's pissed but really horny. Did I just win at sex?
Yeah. I'm so over work, that I'm not even satisfied pretending to work anymore. I just flat out want to go home. Fuck this job
If you think eating a bowl of leftover stuffing and drinking champagne from the bottle in dirty sweats at 9am is sexy... Then yeah, I'm your girl.
Getting high with your mom, but thinking of you!
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