capris are just wrong
its like "what can i possible wear to make myself look short and fat? Oh I know!!"
took acid and went on safebus. all the lights were off except the adds. swear to god it was a submarine
apparently i traded the tiffany necklace my mom bought me for 2 shots and next in line for beer pong at the frat.
We're the kind of people who ruin family vacations
He kept his baseball cap on when he went down on me...
I have not carelessly put myself in herpes way since I got a clean bill of health tyvm.
He probably has his cowboy hat on, that's his house hat.
I'd love to sympathize with you but I'm drunk in a mansion
I just tripped out to the Angel of Music from Phantom of the Opera in my car. Wayyyy to high for shuffle right now.
Please be advised that because of last year's "incident" we will no be starting St. Pat's day with spicy breakfast burritos and car bombs. Please plan accordingly.
Out of curiosity, do you feel happiness for you, or sadness for ME, that you are the only one I drunk text?
The date went significantly better after the fifth shot of fireball.
i definitely signed you up to receive text message notifications from a jukebox last night. Not even sorry.
i got home safe but then alex started a fire so now we're at the hospital
I saw that he had a tattoo of a map of New Jersey on his arm, so i slowed down to like 20mph and pushed him out of the car
Randomize
