don't worry about the neighbors I'm like 99% sure all that snow covered a good portion of our vomit
I just delivered a ham and cheese to a strip club. you were right this job is not that bad
My chemistry professor just asked me if I ever found a ride home from the bar last Saturday
tell that swedish kid i didnt take his shotgun. he GAVE it to me.
now that you've tased me I refuse to buy you flowers
I didn't hate myself when I woke up today, that's improvement right?
You tired to make us "vodka tacos". Which was just you dipping pitas in vodka.
Any good?
Well. FUCK YA. But that's beside the point
Someone should make a valentines day card that says "I like the way you continuously consume thc with no concept of a limit other than drug supply" Because I'd send that to you.
That awkward moment when you're drunk enough to crave cocaine, but you're sober enough to know it's only Tuesday.
What, wait. You are not supposed to drink wine out of the bottle?
She deleted me on Facebook. I think it's safe to say that she knows I fucked him now.
I drank beer out of a Frisbee and it was all downhill from there...
There are 6 of us in a mini cooper and his maid is in the trunk...she needed a ride.
I can’t tell if I have feelings for him or if my vagina does.
Apparently during my blackout I walked over to Troy, grabbed my crotch, and said “Eat Fresh” while his GF was with him. FML
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