i'm sick of taking my pants off and seeing a look of disappointment on the girls face. i want her to be frigthened
I just mistook a monk for someone with the newest colored snuggie.
dude. i just ate tomato soup with a funnel. we're out of spoon-straws.
she kept yelling about wanting tacos, so I gave her a piece of bologna in a tortilla. she didn't know the difference
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Somehow me not being able to breathe due to cocaine doesn't seem very domesticated.
That was nice of you. Thank you for respecting the fact that I got cockblocked by a sophomore last night.
God only knows how I ended up there doing crown royal shots to the titanic and insighting a bar wide shit fest when I asked the dj to play levels
Just saw a guy with two baby turtles sneaking into the building
We got really stoned and then we fucked. Then he made me a panini.
Oooh, he sounds pretty classy
Actually, not at all. We were stoned so he made me a peanut butter panini. With a Rollo in the middle of it. And he left the panini press on all night. I could have died.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Congratulations on your downgrade, shes one hell of a 5
Me too, I feel like I pinched your nipples excessively. At the time it seemed like a good idea, but in retrospect I'm not so sure.
I'm more of a "get high and take a bath" kinda guy.
My new roommate is awesome. His father owns a bar and his sister has an E cup. I'm going to be with him forever
Smoking a bowl and ordering Dominos, you want in on either, both, or none?
And then he peed in my hair
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