I got into an eating contest with Christina. I ate 6 oranges.
Why? Who won?
we don't know. we ran out of oranges.
the roller ball on my blackberry is the closest i've come to touching a clit in 2 years.
I'm seriously so bored I'm seeing how many rooms I can masturbate in before I get caught.
Four. Poor grandma...
did that guy on the oscars really just tell me to text a dolphin?
Is it illegal to masterbate in an airport?
It's spring break, I'm sure it's ok.
you just kept swimming in circles and whenever someone would try and coax you out you would scream "i CANNOT drown, my brother is the supervisor of a water park!!
Something about getting head on stairs. I don't know.
It was good I woke up with my mattress on top of me. I walked around naked the whole night as people wished my Happy Birthday.
no you're not allowed back
come on. everbeers was a great idea. you fucks had a great night
Well you just missed the ten chi o pledges singing la bamba at our doorstep.
did i really sing to your nipples last night?
yes. and it was oddly very seductive
I need to find another hobby that doesn't include being hungover.
I feel as if some line has been crossed, but only in this vague, WTF sort of way.
She dated an Australian guy or some dude with an accent. Normal guys don't stand a chance.
CHALLENGE ACCEPTED.
Your participation in the democratic process makes me horny AF
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