Yeah, I was googling pictures of sharks, and I accidentally typed "shart." Huge mistake.
you passed out on the bathroom floor with the door locked. we had to break in and no one was sober enough to move you so they just threw a towel on you and stepped over you
Should I feel bad that I fucked her and made her ride my little brothers razor scooter home?
I had a dream last night that you and me were eating cheesecake and according to my FATHER I was moaning really loud in my sleep. I seriously have issues.
I am trying to figure out how to tell this kid i have a boyfriend in a way that still allows me to smoke free weed
Mission get my tooth back and find a new dick to ride starts after i sleep for the first time in 2 days.
I think winning the long island race means you lose at life
you pulled down your pants to convince a girl you were god
they sound like some classy girls.
Hey, I don't give them daddy issues, I just take advantage of it. The real bad guy here is American parenting.
I have too much respect and admiration for my dick to put it into a situation where he could possibly be killed
I wrapped my scarf around his head and then made him go down on me
And I also said, "probe me"
Well that was the first and last time I've had to write "divorce party" on a request time off form. I'm throwing it for my mom. What is my life turning into.
Running my fingers through my hair is like that scene from Patch Adams where the girl goes swimming in a pool of spaghetti. I love molly.
WELP I KNOW THE HAPPY HOUR DRINKS WERE GOOD BECAUSE MOM JUST INFORMED ME I AM THE RESULT OF POKED HOLE IN THE DIAPHRAGM
I feel like ditching all logic and responsibility and get shit-faced before the week's over. Thoughts?
Randomize
