$4 taco and $400 parking ticket. i am not a cheap date.
Almost accidentally stole a baby... explain later
I just snuked. Sneezed and puked
Just wrote the directions to get to the girls house im hooking up with on the back of my marriage certificate. Officially worst husband ever.
I couldn't function. I was to the point where I was using a bottle cap as a monocle.
So roofie roulette was a success but I'm a little worried that the 2 who got the tainted beer still haven't contacted anyone...
Your roommate is pacing with a pen in his mouth flapping like a duck. That brownie got me fucked but not enough to understand this. Come back!
He does that
The least you could do before I go into your room is throw away the condom wrapper from the other girl I know you're banging.
do you know where my other puke covered boot is
Forgot my sound was off and didnt even realize it until halfway through because I thought I could hear it. I think high me just narrated half a clip of adventure time
You ran down the alley towards a stranger screaming "you took my beer".... Then proceeded to run into a garage, fall down, and scream about how your shirt makes you look fat.
My throat is burning
Thats because you proceeded to drink the salsa because you thought it was alcohol...dumbass
If I get back to the house before you, I'm setting up the swing. If you get there before me, it's chains and cuffs.
there is glitter all over my balls
It's nice doing the walk of shame at 530 am, the birds are chirping, campus is empty, and it's dark so noone can see who the Fuck you are
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