I have all these new brothers and sisters I'm just now finding out about
I have before 2 am pics and after 2am pics, which do you want to see first?
Just made a drug deal by throwing my money to my dealers window and receiving weed the same way. We are the definition of typical lazy stoners.
I literally need to be slapped with another cock just to notice it.
Wake up, take the dog to the trails, puke in the woods. More days should start like this.
Faking my way through an entire party as a British exchange student. Wish me luck.
The random guy I fucked from craigslist said I had the best smile. I take compliments where i can get them
I was wearing the shirt my little sister got for her birthday when the condom broke. I finally have it back to her and told her it was bad luck
For once I am not in the mood. My vagina is good with life at the moment.
The apocalypse has arrived.
I think he's holding my wallet hostage because I puked in his car. It's not my fault he has child locks on his windows..
Sitting in a music store. There is a 40 something year old guy in a track suit, with a boner, and playing the ukelelie quite intensely.
thanks for thinking of me.
Well. Another one of my exes came out of the closet.
Dude, Kevin called the cops on the cops.
So in hindsight, going through the McDonald's drive thru plastered at 4 a.m. on stolen bikes was a bad idea.
If you survived your 72 hour masturbation marathon put on some pants and come over. My mom dropped off a lasagna.
Randomize
