I love you and miss you, which in no way dimishes how much I hate the person you turned out to be, but I still love and miss you.
So. Did i wake up at 430, try to drive home, stop to throw up at a shell, and try to clean out my car and drop my keys in a full dumpster? Yes.
I'm going to show my kids 2 girls 1 cup just to scare them away from porn
the coke olympics were a bad idea. there's a tree uprooted in the front of my building.
we found you standing over and eating out of my neighbor's garbage can
Im drunk on a hayride surrounded by toddlers. they are judging me.
the party has pretty much ended, it's just 20ish of us jumping and grinding to music from some guy's phone in the corner.
Hello and welcome to the game 'Matt needs weed'! Rules are simple: first one to find a bag wins the fabulous prize of getting stoned with yours truly. Thank you for playing and good luck!!
Just did an entire nights worth of bar crawl in an hour. Boom
Riding the train home at 6 am for class still drunk is losing its novelty in my junior year
You have amazing self restraint. If there was one thing I could learn from you, that wouldn't be it. I love my life as it is.
Apparently drunk me thought it was a good idea to buy $100 worth of band aids and stick them all over everything in the apartment.
The fact I have to evaluate my choice between tequila and fruity pebbles is a clear image of my life right now
You can't give me tequila around boys who have girlfriends. That ain't new.
Sometimes I feel like my vagina has a photographic memory of his penis. It sucks that he got engaged....
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