ok what kind of idiot turns down casual afternoon sex?
Why are there hot girls at the dollar store?
The recession has changed everything man.
If I saw her on the street and didn't know about the two of them, I would think the only way she'd ever find love was if she somehow found her way to middle earth and an orc took her in
its sad that I know 23 beers will fit into my purse
This is all my moms fault. She shouldn't have encouraged my weird fascinations as a child
He tried to stick it in and I asked him what he wanted to name our child and he quit.
I just realized that there are baby oil soaked hand prints on the wall over my bed. Last night was a good night.
You in for a dick vacation?
YES, even though I have no idea what that means
I'm standing up, for my all my brothers and sisters, and fighting against whiskey dick.
My Captain America poster fell down. Cap is disappointed in my life decisions.
Found sauce from last night's pizza rolls wedged under my phone case... While sitting in my 8 am class. What happened last night?
I am 95% sure I just heard my cat say "What are you doing home? It's Saturday night."
Jesus I was next level high last night having a mental epiphany about the state of Virginia
HEY I WILL KIDNAP THE FUCK OUT OF YOUR PET GOAT
So do you guys remember Danny from Tinder?
Sorry I only remember personality traits, not names.
Randomize
