My Nuvaring birth control makes me queef.
Ever since I got married, I've become the MacGuyver of masturbation
The plus side of allergy season is that after our weekend coke binge my runny nose fits right in.
professor came back from spring break missing a tooth
He thought I was flirting with him but really I just needed someone to hold me up.
He just told me the blow job I gave him was like a journey
The last thing I remember is teaching our waffle house waitress to do the stanky leg and promising the grill cook we would come see him at his other job.
So my niece decided to play "lets make shapes out of your bruises" with me and told me that one of them looks like a shark bite. Bravo, sir. Bravo.
Oh if we have sex in public no one will frown upon it. They will stand and cheer for it
somehow I feel like "adventures with cocaine and molly" wouldn't be an appropriate "How I Spent My Spring Break" essay topic.
I have a fever. Last thing I need to do tonight is be elbow deep in old lady pussy.
When I woke up next to him on the living room floor, my glasses were broken and it felt like someone rubbed a cactus all over my vag
Thursday is not a good day to become a felon... It's bingo night
Should I go bust a nut on the beach
Things were going really well until his cousin showed up. She told him I look kind of like his mom, which started a ten-minute debate on my and his mother's specific features, and ultimately, who is prettier. Guess who my date picked.
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