her nose should be used as a dorsal fin
All he was doing was sitting in the car, staring. We asked him what was wrong and he just turned, smiled, and said "everything has its own pair of boots"
just to let ya know we might have to take a stripper snowboardin sometime
why is it ever time u get laid i end up having to clean something twice? you have no idea how hard it is to wash smugged ass cheeks off the counter
there not mine if that helps
I think shooting the BMW with the bow and arrow is when our group became the evening's antagonist
I don't know if this whole sobriety thing is going to work out... It's only been 3 days and I want to chug vodka
So, I'm stoned at his house petting the neighbors cat I made him steal.
You're a fucking train wreck.
Gonna open a taco bell in colorado. Millions bro.
It's a strange mix of shame and pride every time I pee at the bar and still see my lipstick on the bathroom wall...
Just peed out a window, not entirely sure it's open. Can't tell. I'll find out in the morning.
PENIS EMOJIS WOULD MAKE MY LIFE SO MUCH EASIER GAH WHY DOES THE WORLD HATE ME
It was rocky mountain showdown of course we got shitfaced and talked about eating buffaloes
I showered three hours ago and yet feel the need for another one already. This is my day.
There are only a few things more freaky than wandering around a zoo drunk.
Hey, sorry I choked you last night... I was just really excited to see you.
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