I think I just need to sleep with both of them to see which I want to date.
You just went from promiscuous to slut in 3.2 seconds.
I trust that you have thought of something completely illegal for us to do this weekend.
the most drunk i have ever been? possibly. the most drunk i have ever been on a monday? definently.
plus shes a stripper, ive been with strippers, if you fuck this up your penis will never forgive you
In between when I last wrote and now have screwed a Swiss guy on a hostel bathroom floor. Okay, real life?
I want him in the "you're a terrible idea and are probably going to get me killed by my parents, my siblings, and my boyfriend" way
stop calling me dude. finger blasting me officially kills you being able to call me dude.
I threw up in bed last night and tried cleaning it with oldspice and baby powder
Yes, bail money means jail. It also means lie to dad, do it now.
My vagina has a heartbeat. That means I'm in love, right?
Beer bong just needs to be rebedazzled but it's gonna make it
where are my eyebrows?
I boned my sugar daddy for the first time yesterday and now I know why they say guys in their 40s are the best. Also I’m getting a car.
I just sent a Slack that autocorrected tomorrow to gonorrhoea. Please note that Slack autocorrect isn’t very good.
It's fucking 2020, I should be able to watch Netflix in the buff while making brownies without you getting preachy about it.
Randomize
