They should make a Rosetta Stone that allows men to understand what the fuck women are actually trying to say.
i rewarded my self with tacobell for not throwing up on any one. MISTAKE
she is medically diagnosed as a nympho. she has the paper to prove it. hell. fucking. yeah.
The last thing I remember is funneling tequila out of a pink noodle.
It was tug of war between me and the cop. He wanted the beer, I wanted the coozie.
He asked the clerk if they sell a penis-shaped brander.
I'm just saying, margarita tuesday would turn anyone gay.
I can't tell you what you just drank, that would ruin the point of Mystery Monday.
Eric and I just went in the hallway to practice our new handshake in a real life situation at live speeds. That high.
You cant come. You're a Colorado native who drinks Bud over Coors. Fucking homegrown terrorist.
You would think that me seductively unzipping my cat feetie pajamas would make him want to fuck me.
learned the hard way that breakfast jack daniels is a lot stronger than lunch or dinner jack daniels.
I woke up on a park bench with a nice homeless guy waking me up. I bought us Carl's Jr. Best birthday ever!
I have a cheeseburger in my purse and im going to fill her prescription for narcotics. Who thought i was responsible enough to sign her discharge papers?
Mom just walked in on a bj. IT'S WHATEVER.
Randomize
