what if every blade of grass was a penis?
I just googled "buy xanax online". What is wrong with my life?
We had a complete conversation while I was giving him head, at one point he even stopped me and said 'I love how we're just hanging out.'
turns out making maccaroni and cheese with whipped cream instead of butter is only good when your high
I don't think the TSA agent thought getting iced while searching my bag was as funny as I did.
Well, I just watched him puke into his pitcher at the bar, I doubt he cares about anything other than the fact that he needs a new beer.
I was the one passing out cake at the bars
His beard is glorious and he smells like barbecue. Introduce me to him.
he threw up in a solo cup, then washed it out and used it to play flip cup. Im not sure if thats resourceful or disgusting.
I just high fived you brother at the bar then immediately realized my hands smell like your vagina
I take pride in being a married 31 year old who sleeps on her best friend's bathroom floor from time to time.
Be happy for me... Or horny... Or be a really good friend and feel what I want you to feel. Jealousy
He referred to our sex as "an Olympic event." My tits are bruised.
woke up with a tree in my apartment. also the everclear bottle is suspiciously low
suspiciously? i think one of those explains the other
did he think i wouldnt notice the naked girl in the backseat
Randomize
