Don't threaten to terrorize my ass hole unless you have to wherewithal to back it up
Coffee is gods way of saying go ahead, get absolutly trashed on weeknights, I got your back
This is the kind of period I feel I should name out of respect to the fact I might have just gotten lucky this time.....
Once you realized you couldn't finish the 30 you started walking down the street and leaving a beer in everyone's mailbox
These 23 People Had Coworkers From Hell
I truly believe that the solid foundation of any healthy relationship is a drunken one night stand so I can just get all the nasty shit out on the table
im afraid if i stop breathing i will turn into a porcupine
Why are you seriouly talking to me about this when there naked pics of blake lively on the internet? Priorities man...
Woke up Christmas Eve morning with my face smelling like ballsack.. No regrets.
I left a care package of Jack Daniel's, pancake mix and porn in your apartment. Merry fucking Christmas.
21 NSFW Facts About Famous Celebrities That Will Blow Your Mind
It feels kinda weird thanking you for sucking my dick, but I just don't know what else to do right now
It was dark, she woke me up, gave me a blowjob and then whispered in my ear: do you know who I am?
Bar selfie Saturday turned into bar nudie Saturday in a hurry. I need to delete my snapchat...
He will be so fat that the winter can not penetrate his blubber.
I think I just got drunk texted by my psychiatrist
I think my pickup truck has been used for the sex... This doesn't sit right with me.