I'm pretty sure that he just gave me the ginger disease
mark tries to be a total badass to make up for the fact that he's a poor man's pete wentz
Megan Fox is the only woman I would let pee on me.
I'm similar. She's the only woman I'd ask to pee on me.
Ok yeah you're right. I'd ASK Megan Fox to pee on me. I'd ALLOW Erin Andrews to pee on me if she asked.
i spent 45 minuets spilling my heart out to him telling him i was in love with this other guy sorry. when i was done he asked me to give him a blow job. i did. i have commitment problems
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And when we woke up we made beer pancakes. Great start to a family picture day.
they just named my boobs. Lefty is "Guenevere" and Righty is "I claim this boob for America"
i swear, as soon as they invent a cure for herpes, he's mine.
Please stop hiding condoms in my house. If I want to have sex with you, I will let you know. FYI, my mom found the ones hidden behind the milk. She was not happy.
And by go well you mean everyone's hammered right?
Yupp. And someone's bleeding
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I've started day drinking because fuck everyone else
Dude that chick had a dog in her car. Like when she goes bar hoping so does roofus. He gaurds the car.
I basically have the attention span of a ferret on meth when it comes to men
also I can check "jump into a moving car" off my bucket list if that tells you how tonight is going
Just had a customer call his drug dealer in front of me but act like it was normal call.
When your grandma invites you to a sweet girls' Valentine's dinner with your mom and sister, but you have to decline because you're trying to get two dudes to rail you at once...