kristin has been a bad kristin
she looked like the bat from fern gully.
you know you're not getting laid when you start breaking awkward silences with quotes from Robot Chicken
i wish my penis had a tongue
the reason why you were crawling on your hands and knees from room to room last night was because you thought the ceiling fans were chasing you...
that makes sense.
Can the rest of this semester just go by as a montage?
I'm watching ellen!
just because im gay does not mean you need to notify me every time you watch the ellen degeneres show
and now that ive poetically compared your vagina to a nuclear missile, I hope youre prepared for this date.
I am self-sufficient. I puked in a wine glass and emptied it in the trash. Points for style and neatness
Impressive. I've never gotten straight denied and then chased the guy naked out of my own apt. I'll remember that next time.
I just woke up on the living room floor at my parents house. The last thing I remember was making a scene at Buffalo Wild Wings because our waitress "Sent the game into overtime" with a 0-0 score
I've peed outside too many times in just this past week
I think someone tried to make a huge bowl of ramen in my bathtub. There's noodles everywhere in my bathroom.
She's got Mike in the bathroom. He's covered in meat.
Sorry I totally pulled a home invasion on you last night
That was super inconsiderate of me
Randomize
