Update from family reunion: my aunt Janet once got her legs stuck behind her head. The fire department had to be called.
I may have been to starbucks and 2 classes with balls still written on my face...
im trying to catch a child molester. call you later.
Check that he is NOT ok. He just heated up SoCo and used it as syrup on his pancakes.
23 People Confess Why They Don’t Talk To Their Best Friend Anymore
I heard porn and smelled bacon cooking. I knew you had to be home.
You were walking around with a baby carrier pretending your vodka was a baby. You tried to get pictures on santas lap
Yeah... I was considering changing that part but the boxed wine is non-negotiable.
Just fucking put out. It'll be a good lay, promise. Stop being a prude. Damn it. A boy is trying to put his penis in you. APPRECIATE IT.
I'm a wonderful, drunk angel of hydration and sometimes absinthe.
These 17 Delivery Dudes Suck At Their Jobs But Are Winning At Life
Fuck away man. Like 3% of these new people will be back next week. This is the best week of the year to slam bitches at the gym.
So we came to a decision, you need to fuck your hot roommate and send us pictures. We voted, so don't hate the democracy this great country stands for
fuck that its my house. if i want to take 1 bite out of the chicken & leave the rest i fucking will. suck my dick
Hey, it's not my fault that you had a shitty bed frame that couldn't handle the rough sex you're into.
If I send Ben a tit pic but I do it while wearing a Tom Brady mask is that funny or creepy
You tried to use him as a battering ram. I'm 99% certain that's why he left.