About to do something stupid. You'll be my call. Bring bail money.
I swear to god he was trying to crawl under my door last night muttering "I'm Alex Mac! I'm Alex Mac!"
like semen in my mouth is absolutely disgusting but i'd still like to experience it
After you took the handle off the bathroom door I had to coach the Scottish guy sitting on the toilet, throwing up in his own lap, how to put his pants back on. Yes, I think he won the drinking game.
10 Things Your Gyno Wants You To Stop Doing To Your Vagina
It was actually pretty good. His cock is as fat as the rest of him and I took out my contacts so I couldn't see him clearly.
I just sent her mug shot out in a mass text because I hate her and her cocaine eyes are hilarious.
Me focusing on not shitting my pants is keeping me awake.
i woke up the next morning in a pool of blood in my bathroom and a pinata donkeys head in my bed
so much for an anticlimactic 22nd birthday
She is the absolute last thing I would want to screw. Honestly. Fellating a porcupine. Higher on the list.
For Some Reason, Boys Are Singing The ‘Halo’ Theme Song In School Bathrooms
Was the first guy that bit your neck last night wearing a trenchcoat...I have a vague memory.
There's a bus with a band full of dancing women in bras. I think I like it here.
Note to self: trying to grow pubes back = worst decision of 2014 thus far
I may or may not have definitely said the words "how do I put this beer in my purse without looking like an alcoholic" last night.
I feel like I should acknowledge that I see you as a human and not a ragdoll sex object
That moment when I wear the same thing I did to a motel nooner to my family's Christmas party... Ho Hoety Ho bitches