Hi Jason, it's Liz. We dont need you to pick us up anymore. I dont care if you will be here in a milisecond. And you should know im wearing really amazing shoes.
Most awkward thing ever: Meeting your BattleShits opponent post war.
I'm playing the Jersey Shore drinking game by myself at my mom's house. Things like this are not okay after college.
Practice the "sorry I may have given you herpes" conversation with me before I call him and break the news
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He wants to call Lloyd's of London and have my mouth insured.
It's barely 9 am & I've already had an ice cube IN my vagina
We welcome drunken adversity.
With open legs.
He just showed me a video of his erect penis moving to the beet of the music when he was high, I think I'm in love.
He made a fake guest pass that was just a note card with "I'm here. Me." written in sharpie, and tried to convince the security guard it was real.
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I think I'm interested in anyone that recognizes I actually have a pulse
we were sitting on his couch watching tv and laughing at how funny the voices on the commercial were, then we realized the volume wasn't on.
she stopped traffic so I could crutch across the street. Clubbing while crippled and drunk is different.
I GOT MY PERIOD THIS IS A GLORIOUS DAY I AM TOTALLY GOING TO MAKE PIES TO CELEBRATE THAT THERE ARE NO REPUBLICANS IN MY UTERUS!
I wanted to buy shoes but nothing fit. So i'm getting a vibrator.
Her ex was at the party her housemates were having. He knocked on her door asking how she was while we were going at it. Turns out they were trying to work things out. Don't think I'll ever forget his face when we walked out of her room.