the last girl i hooked up with and the last guy i hooked up with are hooking up right now. this is where bisexuality becomes a problem.
Girl next to me just ralphed in a bag. Congrats class of 2010
He walked in, tore open the drawer, pulled out a condom, and slammed it shut. He was that ready.
Well the nurse forgot to take all my stitches out, so my surgical tools are peroxide, kitchen scissors, fingernail clippers, a pocket knife, and 11 beers. Let's do this...
Slurping strawberries throug a straw. It feels like the kool-aid man is coming in my mouth.
he sent me a pic of his dick and balls out with sunglasses over them like a face. i was at dinner.
do you still have it? i kinda want to see.
Everything I own smells like cigarettes and victory right now. The smell is never coming out.
The 4th is next week. If we don't get to a new level of high, we will be letting down George Washington.
Made it just outside my dorm and yack on the front dirt. Wave to a dad thats staring, continue on my way.
New low reached: a cockroach has actually drowned itself in our dirty dishes. We are heathens. Cleaning dance party tonight. No excuses.
I'm alittle affraid you might be dead, seeing how your work party is in an hour and you haven't answered me? I mean I'm picturing you 1. Passed out in your car covered in fries or 2. On a boat in a box to Mexico covered in coke. Please let it be number 1. And aren't we going to your work party?
Why is everyone judging me for telling the cat a bedtime story?
I had fresh baked oatmeal cookies, tacos AND was on deck to give a stellar blow job. You'd think that'd be a win/win/win situation.
I just saw the co founder of Waffle House passed away Friday. Are you okay?
That's about the same time my life started falling apart... Coincidence?!?!? I think NOT!!!
I love you. You know I enjoy the constant sex noises
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