"I want to just tie you up so you\'ll still be here like this when I get home." Actual words.
No no don't get confused. We do chemistry homework on Thursdays. We screw on Fridays. Other than that, Words With Friends is our only communication five days a week. We are NOT dating.
I feel like someone poured gasoline and bleach in my nose and lit it on fire.
Why! I don't feel that at all!!!! I feel jipped
I feel like you're the reason public nudity is illegal and generally frowned upon in society
It's a sad statement on my day when the high point was getting a pap test.
Hoping to get a pic of me on the tractor with an erection for you one of these days.
I lost my bra, he lost his virginity. Seems like a fair trade off.
Why does fireball set life on fire? Your insides, your head, your behavior...
So hungover and decided to eat a burrito and a pot brownie for dinner, this is what adulthood looks like.
I had one beer! ONE BEER! They took shots in mourning of my tolerance last night. My ability to drink is a joke.
Dude I bought tampons with cardboard applicators by accident and now I know my vagina hates the 1960s
The guy got mobbed on, all hell broke loose. About 20 cops showed up, and this kid somehow convinced a cop that letting him pee in front of him is justifiable. This guy could sweet talk Hellen Keller, he was THAT good
Yeahh. im on the phone with him drunk. he told me he found a pigeon in a cardboard box and named it quincy...
Would the comment "Down Goes Frasier" be too inappropriate at this time?
HER BOYFRIEND CAME HOME WHILE WE WERE GETTING IT ON IN THE SHOWER
At least you smelled nice while he kicked your ass.
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