evidently tequilla and lady gaga make me flirt and grind shamlessly with other men infront of my boyfriend.
I just woke up and i'm wearing a cape and it says sup slut on my ass
Just saw my gyno in public. Weird to see her hands outside of my vagina.
this is like her 8th guy since december, is she wasn't frumpy people would call her a whore
Umm you don't wanna know how many "I'm sorry for calling you last night" fb wallposts I just had to write...
they were having a wine tasting so i tasted every wine...then knocked over an entire display of gourmet olives and was asked to leave... but they still let me buy my 6 bottles of wine before escorting me out
she was wide awake when they drew a treasure map on her face the she passed out and they played like 7 games of tic tac toe haaa how was your new years
No mixer. Vodka in yogurt?
I can't believe I paid your booty call for a ride home in cake.
Think they will judge us if our pre drink is a kiddie pool of jello shots?
I met my future husband in an elevator. Think Hispanic version of Dr. Bunsen Honeydew from the Muppets, but with eyes like Michael Fassbender.
you know it's been too long when the heat of a pizza box on your lap turns you on.
I saw a spider on my bed and my first reaction was to throw my weed bag to safety
I didn't want to leave, I wanted to move into his ass
Babe if there was a way to give a back rub and head at the same time that's what I would ask for my birthday, Christmas and of course right now. Please think about how and get back to me.
Randomize
