He told me he had more lines than a plaid shirt
I just cleaned your Jaeger vomit off my car with a knife. Don't ever say I don't love you.
I mean if she was naked in my room I would talk to her
Also I climbed atop a mailbox with a toilet paper hat and a wolverine claw made of glowsticks, screaming at passers-by that they were going to die. Control me
ok. can u leave the new roommate a list of instructions for me? like what i need to be fed and when i need to be exercised?
Corn dogs constantly. And all.the time
Charles Darwin would shit his pants if he saw that we managed to survive that weekend.
We got kicked out of Walmart for playing cod with squirt guns of course it was better then prom.
I'm covered in European cum. How's your day going?
I'm on acid right now in three feet of snow. I NEEEED YOOOOUUUU
I think my penis runs off weed. I haven't smoked it 3 days and I have no sex drive what so ever
Listen, I booty called my boss last night from the company phone. I may need to brush up my resume.
I put miralax in my rum/coke. Go hard or go home.
My sensibilities as a lady demand we cuddle on the couch, and THEN have loud, raunchy sex. Idk, what do you want to do?
I'm eating cookie dough with a tongue depressor for lunch.
i woke up wearing a life jacket, holding on to a footlong hotdog, and had on a mr. hustle 1995 shirt on
good night
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