so explain again why im purple
no
Sex on a trampoline was so worth getting a mosquito bite on my penis
on the last problem of the exam i just drew a picture of a cat and left
Thanks for telling my landlord that the poop stain was yours and not my secret dog.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
your mom just called me and asked me why i'm not in jail with you right now.
Fuck a-yeah! I just found a wine key. Let 'Don't Fuck With Me Friday' commence.
omg just made cake vodka jello shots, sooooo excited
dear god these taste like death. death and sprinkles
We're gonna have screwdrivers in a cab at 4am?
Is that weird?
Making a me burrito to ward off the cold...and the aloneness of my vagina
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Then that means he's outwardly conservative. Inwardly he's a total gay horndog. He's like a spy that can ruin conservative plans.
I want to change all my life goals to that.
You are the funniest drunk Jew I know. Never in my life have I witnessed someone respond, "Is your dick kosher?" while being picked-up on.
Stumbled out of my bed this morning into the bathroom at 8 am still drunk, obviously. The Mormon on my floor was in the bathroom. I could practically hear her doing hail marys for me.
Fun fact: deep throating plus dehydration plus eating a lot of citrus = my throat is fucked. Metaphorically and physically.
I woke up remembering only that I got pulled over by a cop, then looked over and found that same cop, naked.
I think my brain is throwing up inside my head. How do you live like this?
Randomize