im dirt poor will suck dick for halloween costume
Does boxed wine and camel crushes signify a college date? Lets hope so
Just found a hundred dollar bill on the ground. Hope you're looking to drink tonight
The fact that I am sitting home writing a resume while you're out inducing vomiting makes me feel like way more of an adult than I'm ready to be.
are you aware you chucked your pizza at a girl's face after the bar last night?
New level of high: If I could bathe in my salsa right now I would.
Just found out my ex boss was running a whore house in the bar. Time to remove her as a reference?
...he tried to burn down someone's house once. ABORT ABORT ABORT
I THREW AWAY MY VIBRATOR BECAUSE IT INTIMIDATED HIM. WORST. DECISION. EVER
Your argument isn't valid... just because I test the waters doesn't make me gay. Makes me versatile. And who doesn't love that!
Dude I broke her toilet blowing some dude. I wasn't going to turn down the 300$ he offered to fix it.
Hold your horses dude. Titty pics are a work of art.
Should I put the money for my dealer in a Christmas card? You know, make it more frstive?
A German guy asked me to take a bath with him. I can't tell if he's just an eccentric European or a run of the mill creep.
so we just got back from swapping peoples patio furniture around to different patios. some people might like unexpected change. others might regret living on the ground floor.
Randomize
