even my farts smell like vagina
thats the last time I fuck a piece of fruit on camera for him.
so whats your words to drink to for the state of the union? mine are 'change' 'fight' and 'you know'.
mine is 'the'.
She's okay as an interesting car wreck. But as a sexual object she's funny
At least drunk you showered before switching sex partners last night.
They asked if I was about to puke and my response was to laugh and suddenly throw up. Continuing my asshole streak I kept laughing while still vomiting.
i climbed out of the bath tub this morning and found him taped to the treadmill
Yeah, this dress is irreparably whorey. I've resigned myself to being a family scandal.
I just realized I'm the burger in your burger and steak anology. Very disconcerting.
I'm pretty sure his cum gave me swimmer's ear.
My blue shorts are now brown from all the stripper fake tan
Tight. Want to get up, make coffee, sit on separate couches and silently read our mobile devices together?
i texted "amiibo vore" to my insurance agent instead of someone else. do you think they'll raise my rates out of disgust?
Plus we had to have sex before the game because there is a good chance we won’t be speaking for the rest of the week. #ironbowl
sometimes u just gotta ride a dildo and forget about life
Randomize
