Hey kate, how is it?
sloppy...it's emily. kate just tried to do a keg stand. they dropped her. we're leaving.
There is something about drinking on a golf course and getting with younger women that just really makes me feel at home.
he's making romantic advances towards me. and he has a pet snake. 2nd part not relevant, but interesting.
She has never blacked out. I have tried to get her to so many times. Apparently it's a lot harder than we make it out to be.
We should see who can shotgun a beer faster over iPhone FaceTime
Guy next to me at the plasma center is high and watching porn on his itouch. I am wayy to hung over for this level of poor.
FACT: the parking lot attendant was yelling "NO SEX HERE! NO SEX" at yall.
You don't have to believe me. My vagina knows it happened.
I used the lotion his mom gave me for christmas to give him a hand job. It felt so wrong.
You ass. You're not the one who bought me flowers, so obviously you will not be the recipient of the blow job of gratitude.
I took your mattress from your bed. Don't ask questions. Love you. See ya later.
Just saw identical twins riding scooters. Today is not real who the hell rides a scooter anymore
Hey Cat, it's Michael. You made out with me for a hot dog last night and I feel super used.
I wish so many great beards were not attached to even greater jerks. All that face sitting potential wasted. Some of the greatest tragedies of this century.
I bought a machete, tennis balls, and matches. How is this NOT going to be a great night?
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