So you maybe wanna hang out again? I could use the $5
Whatever I can do to help stimulate the economy
just got a rotting pancake and bacon in the mail from your address....
i knew i liked her after she chugged tequila, fell down the stairs and said "oh dont worry i knew it'd be faster this way"
HOW DID U BEAT A GAY GUY IN GAY CHICKEN?
I refuse to go to this wedding alone, or sober. Practice drunk-walking in heels and a Bridesmaid dress begins tonight.
I don't know what it is about vodka that make me ruin relationships.
Just please never masturbate in my bed again. I'm burning my sheets as I write this.
I have acquired 14 pictures of hard dicks tonight... I was on a mission. Don't even pretend you aren't proud.
When did it become appropriate to call your mother the morning after? While still naked in bed? WHEN?!
i would compare it to sliding down a velcro-covered fireman's pole naked. no more bearded men for me.
I can control the tv with my phone while pooping on the second floor. I thought you should know for future reference
I REALLY NEED TO STOP CELEBRATING THAT FUCKING HOLIDAY
Looks like a sea otter shaved my vagina. Keep an eye out for me this weekend, no one can see this.
It was all going good until I realized she was wearing underwear with a butt flap. Mission aborted.
It was a successful conference for my sales and my sex life. Those are probably related
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