You're asking the wrong person. I was drunk on nyquil and jager.
I want a picture of impoverished children wearing Oregon national champions shirts.
Yes, I feel sorry for the tribe that gets those. They won't be able to hide from the lions.
We're celebrating his weight gain and arrest.and by we I mean I, and by celebrating I mean getting dangerously drunk
Sadness tears and throw up everywhere
... They left for 10 minutes and came back with a lobster he's in the toilet downstairs
We haven't said piping hot jizz in awhile... that needs to come back into our conversations
Drinking, I should not. Got here I don't know. Still drunk, I am. At courtneys.
Waking up to find your mom holding your birth control pills and telling you I suggest you take this
Just set up my first threesome: a rapper and a Marine. Pretty sure at least 80% of girls in America hate me right now.
Nursing home in NJ just got busted for prostitution and drugs...dropping off my deposit tomorrow
We just had can't-look-you-in-the-eye sex and it was still surprisingly good
My mom just asked if I've gotten any girls pregnant how is your day going
I'll just say I told you so at your funeral
I thought the first time I got peed on it would be by a baby...
I don't know what it is about this quarantine, but I have never written this much smutty fanfic in my life and I am loving it!
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