Sweetheart, you've always been a horrid bitch...
There are traffic cones in the living room. One of them is yours.
i overslept, had to take a cab to the train station, might puke, bought the wrong flavored vitamin water, and mj's dead. what a terrible world to wake up to.
I'm naming my child veloci raptor. And you can be a part of its life if you want. But that's its name. Cause i have the vagina.
The worst mistakes make the best memories. Write that down.
I REALLY appreciate you guys taking care of me when im wasted but i think its weird when i wake up in different clothes than black out in
There's a certain level of slut that i can handle.... I think she just broke that scale
he kept yelling THIS ISNT AMATEUR HOUR
Brilliant thought; pill pong.
What could go wrong?
I'm bringing Sergeant Single Slut out this weekend. I hope you're ready for her.
We got high and watched Winnie the Pooh. Isn't that what every normal person does on their break?
Seriously, why do I have a mortar round?
There is eyeliner on my toilet. Vodka and I have a love hate relationship.
The last time we went to a costume party, you walked around in a loincloth with a cross and said you were Jesus. I'm eager to see how much more offensive you can be.
I sent him nudes while he is at work because I am an evil human being.
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