Dude, the girl next to me just farted. Worst part, it smells like astroglide
i'm lost and i look like a hooker
Exactly. wat kind of friend would i be if i even pretended to give a shit about ur problems
Now accepting hypotheses about how i managed to get a bruise between my boobs....
she tends to only attract lesbians and homeless men
Dude, I found out having naked people in your car is a felony.. Now were all fucked.
this hangover isn't hhappening. im not letting it
its winning. its definitely happening
still not dressed at 5:00, jacking off watching men's figure skating and hoping my weird roommate doesn't walk in. anybody who says idk how to have fun is wrong
last thing I remember was someone walking in on me sitting in the bathtub listening and singing along to Britney spears "Till the world ends" on repeat.
Who knew that the guy I fucked on your front lawn during welcome week freshman year would turn out to be my husband
Guy pissing in the corner in downtown Boston as his girlfriend is covering him up, yelling "relationship goals"
This is not the first time I've recognized my body is subconsciously trying to make pizza.
Look, all I'm looking for is a good time and someone whose chest I can bury my face in
Definitely woke up.this morning to a random girls head in my toilet and her mom knocking on my door.
You know you're high when you find yourself sitting on the floor with the refrigerator door open, talking to various foods. Hand gestures and all.
Randomize
