she was a 2....and a legitimate 2. like, helen keller is a 1, this girl...2.
Going back to college after four years is reminding me why i love cheating... they dont let me cheat on tests but they sure try hard to make me cheat on my girl
there's chicken and sequins in our bathroom sink. part of me almost wants to know what happened
I want a vodka facial right about now. I'm talking about straight vodka bukkake
I would like to apologize for my MANY attempts of trying to motor boat you.
you had acid sex with the barista. why is my bucket list your tuesday?
Yeah. It's a great diet plan tho. Just have sex every time you get hungry.
Good afternoon everyone! Just texting to inform you that Andrew, your emotionally detached man-whore, will be back starting this weekend. Please RSVP.
My hands always smell like pizza crust when im hungover.
So question... If I'm sexting with uncircumcised guy, do I have to add *then i gently pull your foreskin down*?
Like he held up the condom afterwards, twirled it with his finger, and said "look at that load"
Look, when i woke up this morning, I had every intention of being a responsible twenty-five year old, cleaning up, making my budget, and filing my taxes. Its just I got siderailed by pot and downloading classic Disney songs, because fuck adulthood; everyone loves Disney.
In theory, it seemed like it would work.
Tonight I researched being a phone sex operator and teaching English at a French school in Africa. I think my future lacks direction
He nailed that bed down really well so it won't break again. All I could think while he was nailing it was "challenge accepted".
Randomize
