I'm sitting at the gyno watching cnn in the waiting room
Everyone is walking funny when they come out, ugh I'm not looking forward to this
i need a lesbian romance or unplanned pregnancy for some spicein my life.
There is so much to learn about oneself from autofill.
we managed to turn Dream Phone into a drinking game. don't hate.
I thought you'd have died of alcohol poisoning years ago! How'd you get my number?
You said you were going to take the sideview mirror to your own car so that nobody would steal it. Thats why you woke up with it.
your drunk ass trust falled a guy double fisting bud limes and as a result your head bounced off the patio table. So that might explain the stitches on the back of your head.
When / where did the additional couches appear?
Additional?
James brought one with him when he showed up. Theres still 2 outside and according to facebook, at least one more burned up.
Whoa, I am aware of WAY too many squirrels right now...
Obviously. I'm here to let you eat things off my boobs and help you get laid.
There really needs to be a redbox for wine because I want some but too lazy to walk into a store
Just found out that his ringtone for me is a train blowing bc and I quote 'I know when you call I'm getting laid'
Dude... I had a dream that I was getting high for the first time. I got to experience my weedginity again. It was glorious.
I'm in the line at Chipotle thinking: "What combo will best prepare my body for the open bar I'm going to subject it to tonight?"
Have you ever been anal in a bush on the Vegas strip drunk?
Randomize
