i was born a porn star she said
I got so high that I decided to drive with my knees on the way home. Where am I going in life?
Nowhere
They left shortly after you claimed the dirty rug as your mattress and began alternating between singing "Dayman" and "Nightman"
He told me I just kept sending him the word sex and dollar signs.
Drunk
Deyhxbr
Fucaerrrrr
So you think it's my fault? I didn't give you the 10 shots you took nor make you eat the brownies we made... btw, i found your engagement ring, it was in the last brownie you wouldn't let me have while dragging me to my room.
Sorry but i am wayy to hungover to take mom to her AA meeting.
Wont she be proud, Hailey.
Well she made a 15 year old cry, the grandmother did an ice luge and I woke up to the sound of sex moans
He sent me nudes and I told him he reminded me of Buffalo Bill.
I felt like the hulk waking up from a black out except with munchies
the shoes thing blows my mind idk how the fuck i did that and im also missing 4 of my birth control pills like did i drunkenly decide to overload my body with estrogen
I finished OITNB and broke it off with my fuck buddy in the same day. It's going to be a rough week
I had to explain to the doctor why I'm peeing blood. He still didn't believe a girl would have that much sex... You could feel the judgement forming in the room when I went into the details...
Damn, well a girls gotta get laid too
So what happened at girls night? My roomate found me passed out locked out on the front steps of the house and it was raining. Yes low moment
QUIT BEING A BITCH, DRINK SOME PEPTO, AND PUKE ON OUR FOES
Randomize
