The streak lives on, still havent been to Towson without throwing up
Cute you're picking friends over dick. I feel like this is the trailer for a lifetime movie.
you're single. I'm single. let's spend vday with the 3 most important men in our lives: ben, jerry, and josé
During the middle of giving him head, he flashes his phone and says "I like to watch."
Someone changed my text signature to "Also, I think I might be gay" last night. Also, I think I might be gay
I'm not trying to go crazy tonight either. I just want to go out, have a few drinks, meet up with my ex-boyfriend and get fingered or something.
The lego bong didn't work. Just made us look stupid
Speaking of testosterone. I saw a girl with a moustache thicker than one I can grow last night...
We had sex on a lawn chair while fireworks were going off last night. It was unavoidable that I got mosquito bites all over my ass
I have my vibrator between my thighs and I'm listening to high school musical. That kind of high. We're all in this together.
I woke up with a massive hangover and realized I still had an entire bottle of tequila in my car...so yeah, working on tomorrow's hangover.
You went to a drug deal in a onesie.
He will be so fat that the winter can not penetrate his blubber.
Well, I'll handle this like I always do. Black the fuck out, make out with randoms, give out my number like candy. You know. Standard operating procedure
Dennis picked up a 50 year old woman. Then he and Dan got in a fight and jumped out of the limo. No one knows what happened to them.
Randomize
