she was so hammered she started drinking dishwasher detergent
I dont know whats funnier - that, or that we learned that poison control is closed at 2 AM
I haven't been able to trust a girl since spanks came out
Yeah like at least with a penis what you see is what you get with a vagina there can always be a surprise inside
Somewhere between the 2 hours of sex and her urgently rushing to work she manged to steal all $329.33 in my jeans. Worst one night stand ever, she even took the pennies.
all i wanted to do was something grown up. like go to applebees and drink.
Well if it makes you feel any better I threw up at Roadhouse. And then on the way to the train. And then in a water fountain. And then in a plastic bag on the train.
at some point i feel off my bar stool straight into the arms of a gay guy. just my luck.
I could really do without pictures of your asses in my inbox. That said, I'm extremely jealous that I wasn't involved.
we went 3 years between hookups and she got a lot better. Amanda's moving way up the booty call pecking order.
St Patricks day needs to be raged like youve never raged before. Like youre in the desert and it starts raining beer. Like it's the day the announced the 21st amendment (which is the one that ended prohibition)
It's really not cool dreaming about going into labor with your ex boyfriends love child as you're sleeping next to him.
Hey before you quit, let me sell drugs to your boss at least one more time
I found a Trump-humping republican virgin born on the goddamn Fourth of July. I NEED to hate-fuck him.
We only initially bonded over boobs and sarcasm
they were drunk. and loud. and now they're drunk and quiet. or dead, you never know.
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