I woke up naked this morning and I found out that I thought I was Adam last night and Eve was my wife so I ran naked saying I was in the Garden of Eden and I could shit wherever I wanted.....too bad the garden was in my friends apt.......I spent the morning cleaning and have reached a new low
there were at least 5 of us standing around the bathroom stall cheering you on to throw up.
just took my birth control pill with a shamrock shake. happy st. patrick's day
she kicked me out for pissing in the recycling bin. I mean, is it really THAT big of a deal?
gettin drunk isnt as much fun when i can use my own id for it
He compared my vagina to the first time he tried cocaine
Went to the strip club with my aunt. Do you know how hard it is to be a pervert in front of your female family members?
You know Im horny if Im walking around in my lingerie and sex robe. It's my field of dreams mentality. If I wear it, he will come.
wait can you just like go into detail with this penis touching thing? like was it a hand job or was it like a day at the petting zoo or something
I just spent a solid 3 minutes trying to figure out how to send a smell through my phone
You're just a heartbreaker with a knitting problem
I'm trying to get weird tonight. Like I want to see bitches crawling on all fours drinking milk from bowls and shit by 5 am. You down?
Does sweetest day count when you're spending it with your fuck buddy, high and eating Pizza Hut?
Took an adderall for the first time in a few weeks. Spent 45 minutes peeling an orange TO PERFECTION.
I went from swearing off of sex to planning a threesome. It's been a rollercoaster of a day.
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