Ehh boy. FML. she was unattractively large.
Just got done shaving my balls. You were right.
I like one night stands...theyre like crushes for big kids
my boss told me he would look for my wallet when he went back to the strip club tonight.
God that barista is texting me bout his life like i care i mean dude just hook me up with free coffee thats why i gave you my number
Found your dick twin last night
I feel like his penis would have a weird haircut because he does.
At least she'll always have a story about the time she showed up to the emergency room drunk and covered in chocolate syrup on her birthday.
I can't tell if I have the Pizza Hut shits or beer shits
I never thought I'd say this but there's too many dicks around here.
I've got five complains from the landlord about she being too loud during sex in two weeks I'm marrying her
My mother is currently smoking weed with a dying bee so his last moments aren't miserable. And she wonders why I rescued a grasshopper missing a leg.
Do you know how hard it is to have sex on an air matress while there are people sleeping in the same room?!?!?
I know he’s married, but he’s still a guy with balls and a dick. He noticed my cleavage and stared at my ass. He’ll call.
You were painting for six hours and managed one four foot wall. "The Mellow Handyman" isn't a good business model.
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