So he thought it would be a nice gesture to show me his list of girls he fucked. There was 70. We then went through and put "V"'s next to all the ones that were virgins...
I sent you an email today but due to work restrictions, I had to misspell choke sex
I bet her clit looks like pig in a blanket.
So apparently vaginal secretions are not covered under water damage insurance for my cell phone
I am scared. I picture you doing a keg stand on a sinking ship with hula girls cheering you on. Please text me when you get back to shore...or now would be good
He left me a five minute voicemail apologizing for chasing me with a meat beater. I'm actually not sure what that means.
I just realized that my phone was set to Brazilian time...what the fuck happened last night
I have a breathe right strip stuck to my forehead, several inexplicable bruises and I think someone tried to paint my nails with glue, but I still have my Santa hat. I'm gonna call this one a success.
The guy at the ER said it was the first time he's given stitches for a funneling accident. Then he seemed upset that I took pride in that...
I did not have sex with him because he had a puppy…finding out he had a husky pup waiting back at home was just an unexpected plus
Would it be weird if I bought knee pads and shin guards to fuck in my car?
So, Kevin dropping me off at urgent care. Seems my tampon slipped out of reach. Even after he tried to get it out with some kitchen tongs.
if you're wondering why I texted you some girl's name at 4 am it's because you wanted to Facebook stalk the girl who gave that Irish guy we met at the Chinese food place her license and said 'call me'
I woke up saran wrapped to a chair....
Sooooooooooooo you woke up on a rooftop. Classy
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