This is the worst date ever. Pls kill me. No, wait, scratch that, stick to the original plan of killing Paris Hilton, I'll live though this
hey, do you know how many packets of jello it takes to turn a handle of vodka into slutty girls?
you fully convinced the taxi driver that we were in a race
I think I pulled my groin stumbling back from the bar. That or the hippo I woke up next to.
We were showing our tits to everyone because it's breast cancer awareness month and we care deeply
I thought we were doing it cause it's Tuesday
U know that drunk state, where at 930 the next morning your sitting in a bath in ur bathing suit trying to sober up...yeah. That's where i am..
Drinking vodka straight out of a beer bottle because I don't want to be judged. Not my best idea and not my worst.
Goldenshlager is a hell of a drink. And these are the adventures ur missing out on w me. I gave someone a bath Emily. A BATH.
Awkward
Can't say I wouldn't let it happen again.
Can we talk about how i am holding a tupperware container of my own puke in the back of my grandparents car while my sister drives
Did you put Dave Matthews band on the playlist? It's really hard to funnel when "Crash Into Me" kicks in.
Only the sound of Friends and my gulping of wine are masking the sounds of my roommate getting laid
Hold me and let me compliment your butt
Got everyone out of my house, somehow managed to put all my lawn furniture back, puked in my sink, and cleaned it up all while black out drunk before my parents came home. Successful night.
I have acquired a mango...tonight is successful so far
Her name is susan
It's bullshittery. It's asshattery. It's complete fuckery at its finest.
Randomize
