You went to the wrong car, tried to open the locked door, and started crying because you thought we were playing a mean trick. Then the owner came...
kicked my backpack and turned on my vibrator in the middle of class. success.
I just got over my period in 3 days...I believe that is god's way of saying "go fuck an amazingly attractive Italian boy on vacation"
My dad is drinking wine out of a measuring cup. This explains so much.
He told me i had to sleep under his bed. He said it would be my castle.
I guess I made wings because there's chicken everywhere. Even on the walls. 3 of them. It's like a chicken grave yard.
omg just made cake vodka jello shots, sooooo excited
dear god these taste like death. death and sprinkles
HELP THE ONLY THING THAT'S HELPING ME DISTINGUISH BETWEEN THE TWO OF THEM IS THE DIRECTION OF THEIR WINKY FACES OMFG
Please come home, i don't want to feel like basket garbage girl but I'm in your alleyway and not sure how to change that.
Um, would you be up for dick jousting? Stefanie is willing to pay 40 bucks.
I'm dying. The alcohol is viciously exiting my tiny body.
Looks like I've become the Walter White of my PhD cohort.
He a gives rim jobs, because, of course a guy who opens doors and makes reservations would lick your anus..like a gentleman.
Just had a flashback of scottish man yellin' at my face. What the fuck I did?
I tried to breakup with him by telling I had a threesome. He one upped me by saying he had a 5-some so I couldn’t do it.
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