were having a shit on karen session at work but then she walked in so we used code names instead and she tried to join in like she knew them
He looked me in the chest and said "I think I was visited by the titty fairy last night"
forced to watch US open for father's day. only perk is discovering dustin johnson...reeeeally hoping that this golf sex addiction thing is contagious
he asked me if i would dance for him to make it easier for him to jack off. does that answer your question.
I look at sleeping with him as a way to get up in the world. He will lead me on to bigger and better penises.
You made a glowstick headband with a helium balloon tied around it and climbed a tree in high heels. I was impressed.
Hahaha my philosophy professor just opened class with "I had a shitty weekend and I was at the bar until 815 this morning. So bear with me".
my vagina hasn't met your boyfriend yet ... makes me sad
So I wore a corset to school. Fuck laundry.
Im hitting on this chick at a stoplight when all the sudden. i notice this chick blowing some dude in the backseat.
I just swallowed some ecstasy stuck in my nose from last night. Work should be interesting.
ROB LOWE. SO BEAUTIFUL. SO DOUCHEY. SO HARD TO SPELL HIS NAME WHEN DRUNK.
When the state fair security guard came to yell at her for having outside food and drink she threatened to kick him if he tried to stop her and then she proceeded to chug the whole bottle.
classic
Hahaha. I'm so high, this is gonna be so intense. Even the DVD menu scared the shit out of me.
Next thing I know her tits are out on my desk. It was straight out of a porno. What was I supposed to do I’m not made of stone
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