yes i saw that this morning. it was my mailbox.
he told us the story of how he fought ketchup, mustard, and thomas the train engine all in one night. if that doesn't sound like an acid trip i dont know what does.
There are no words to adequately express my gratitude for sending me porn you found staring a former classmate.
he called me back to his office so he could lick a line of pixie stick off of my thigh
be sure to add "office slut" to your resume
God dammit not the cupcake channel. Not when I'm high.
I got turned off after he said, "i can see us in the future...me, you, and a back yard full of alpacas."
Good morning love! Friendly reminder that we decided to make leggings with a vagina zipper. "For the winter quickie"
I was behind him snuggling, I told him I was the big spoon and he told me I was too little it was more like he was wearing a backpack.
I am a figure skater. You should know better than to let me get drunk near any patches of ice during Olympics season.
I came home braless and wearing a tail....
Hey, you know that marble art statue thing in your bedroom? Hypothetically what would happen if a penis got stuck in it?
Why let a Christmas Eve hangover ruin a perfectly good Christmas Day acid trip?
She doesn't even give a fuck about angle. I seriously gotta start doing like penis yoga or something.
Pinterest knows I’m getting divorced
sitting in the prison waiting room in my boyfriends clothes. looooong story.
Randomize
