I just woke up in bed next to my teacher. Does that mean I'm passing now?
Quick, to the slutcave!
We had sex on my friends waterbed ..after that the whole school kept asking him if he had fun getting "sea-sick" last night.
I puked in the pool and didn't tell them, then they all went swimming. Is it dick to just sit back and enjoy the show?
My sister was not impressed when she got here. I was standing in the doorway in my underwear drinking a beer. At 2pm. On a Monday.
I slept with an Israeli and a Palestinian in the same day. It feels wrong.
I need to beat up a magician now. BRB.
No, that's just what we do when we hang out. We get drunk, have really awesome sex, then fight about why we never worked as a couple
Brian got his first ever blow job last night. We should make him a scrapbook.
He said the main reason he fucked me was cause of my storm trooper tattoo. IT ATTRACHES ALL THE HOT NERDS
If you're into enormous nipples, you should ask out my office's receptionist.
On another note I am sitting in my bed naked, buzzed, and working on a notecard for my 8:00am test tomorrow. I think I need to make better choices.
Well as if this year didn't suck enough already, I can now count 2015 as the year I got chlamydia
The only people allowed to make me cry are myself and Chris Hemsworth as Thor. And me.
Got arrested last night. My cell mate just added me on Facebook.
Randomize
