i dont remember who you are as you are in my phone as "mr. peanut."
there was a guy here who managed to get his head stuck in a fishbowl. no, I don't fuckin know how
Why am I in a dog kennel?
It was for your own safety
she was handing out condoms w/ her number on them...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm on my fifth double. This night is getting better whether it likes it or not.
He had to carry me to the car. But then sat with me and waited for me to sober up enough to have sex. He's a keeper.
At some point tonight the bad ideas in my head became bad decisions that happened outside my head
My time here is complete. I think I have now thrown up in every major degree programs building
We are sitting here staring into each others eyes, mutually rubbing forks up and down our respective noses. High as balls doesn't even begin to cover it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Oh my god he's laying on a longboard singing the song from cool runnings.
I just found a half a joint in my bed. . .don't know if this qualifies as a proud moment or a cry for help
i ate pretzels. i might be the first human to be hospitalized from pretzels. that's how bad this is.
You kissed my hand and then put a Taco in it. Why WOUDNT I leave my husband?
HIGH AS FUCK. JUST WATCHED THE TRIPPIEST VIDEO EVER. IM NOT SCARED OF PANDAS. I GOTTA GO. TRIPPIN AGAIN
Either I'm getting old or the shit show is playing earlier than it used to...
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