i just discovered how you can fold down the cardboard sleeve on a hot pocket. Life just got a whole lot easier.
I just saw a van full of amish parents and their kids. Those cheating mother fuckers!
She threw all the patio furniture in the pool saying she was building a castle.
i've met an abundance of virgins and guys who where flip flops, i thinks there's a correlation
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
All I know is that we apparently made a drink we named The Single Girl which is rum, vodka, grain alcohol, and sprite and rolled around in the backyard.
I've officially done it all, fucked a girl wearing a twister board. ABC parties are amazing!
Seriously. Are we going out tonight? If we're not, I'm going to put on sweatpants and do drugs.
Every person I've ever had sex with is in Chipotle right now.
You just managed to turn Dr. Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You were staring right at you dick at the urinals, then looked at all the other guys dicks and fist pumped saying "I win!"
Lost and found: pink cotton underwear next to my bed and soaking wet Reebok socks or boxers in a plastic bag...in my fridge🤔
Where do you think black out memories go?
Into the dark abysmal abyss of the deepest, darkest part of your mind. It's obviously the bodies natural defense to protect you from witnessing the shit you do while actually blacked out.
I prefer to think of hangovers as extreme sobriety, which can only be cured by more booze
I just met his mom for the first time with a hang over. Then we went to watch his 8 year old cousin get baptized. Apparently his family loves me. I should drink more often.
Anything special planned for Valentines Day?
Does testing the strength of my coworker’s marriage count?
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