Kind of a slow process. Played 9 holes with her yesterday. Wish one of them was hers
so just incase I die tonight I'm making a list of people that I don't want to be let in to my funeral
Good lord, they've set up every firework to be ignited by a trail of gasoline at midnight. God save us all.
the ball fondling will be left out of the trip recanting
I don't even want to think about the kind of person who would shit in the street before 10pm on a Sunday.
Road trip to buy me a baby zebra..are you in or are you in?
We tried lying really still and being really quiet so that he wouldn't notice us before he left the room. Forgot about the glow in the dark condom.
I'll always remember you bringing me that pregnancy test in the middle of an ice storm. Best friend ever.
I wasn't half as drunk as u but u were saying u were a "worm" and u tried to slither out of my grasp
Jesus christ. I put you on speaker when you called me last night and you told me to brush my teeth with a dick.
I'm pretty sure I just orgasmned my way out of paying for that weed
Last night was like blooper reel sex. He dropped me!!
He goes from zero to fucking up in 2.4 drinks. Like the sportscar of bad decision making.
Apparently I thought every drink in my house needed to have a buddy so I put some vodka in each one. Long story short being wasted at work because the gatorade you brought is 60% liqour is not a great idea.
Dude, she stopped mid blow job to ask the cat's name. ADHD might be a deal breaker after all.
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