who are you and why are you in my phone as dr. seuss
yeah so our basement was flooded 4 feet. we just smoke and drank and then went swimming. gotta make the best out of it
On the airplane today the pilot actually said "Ladies and gentlemen I'm sorry for the delay. But I know all of you have problems, and so do we..."
if you lined all their dicks up next to eachother, it would be like at&t bars
Holy christ fuck what has my trainwreck of a life come to just blew a 17 year old so help me god
You know my ex in high school who cheated on me and dumped me right before prom? A decade later, I just saw her again...working at an Arby's. it was a good day...
You are the voice of reason. And I'm bringing wine. Like seriously this is his last chance. Don't touch me once, shame on you.. Don't touch me twice, shame on me
Well that's my green light to bang ur brother. Its not real til its on fb
I need something for rope burns and an inner ear infection. Separate incidents, FYI..
A prostitute stole us beer at 3 am
I was full on naked standing in his room and I just said "this isn't me" and left.
I lost Mario kart three times but I got laid so it wasn't the WORST night I've ever had.
Do him. As soon as possible and as often as possible. That's what Oprah would say
I used to shoot steroids in my ass but for a totally different reason
I got confused. The music was loud, porn was playing, people were grinding, there were hand jobs.
Randomize
