Just woke up. First thing I see: Little brother eating last night's jello shots thinking they're reg jello.
You named all of the cocktail shrimps and then tackled a guy for "eating Henry"
It's 3 am and my parents just came up the driveway in a limo. They didn't leave in a limo. I'm scared to even ask.
Judging that there's a photo of me getting head while sitting on a graveyard tombstone.....not good.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It's a good deal. He teaches me how to longboard, then we have sex
Drunkenly auctioned off my bed for 3 tequila shots
she chugged a bowl of salsa and then gave my ferret weight loss tips. she's like my fucking spirit animal now
It's a toss up. They'll either laugh and watch you drunkenly fuck on the beach or they'll throw you deep in Mexican jail.
I'm all for hockey players but dude, he asked me to lick his chipped tooth mid-hook up.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Our music was glorious. Maidens were deflowered to the sound of my voice.
You've seen the quality of dick pics I normally get. The bar is high.
we got stoned then he started showing me how to make his penis look like a hamburger...if that's not true love idk what love is
I used to sleep with a guy on the USA rugby team... He stole my credit card and my Hitman DVD. I'm more upset about the Hitman DVD..
Wow I really just sharted up in this Kroger
We can have bacon on the roof while tanning
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