What did I say to him last night?
Something along the lines of "your not here, I'm going to fuck sam. call me later babe, this won't take long, love you"
all in all not a bad night
sorry about last night, sometimes people just get drunk and have sex witht heir friends
I know, I was there.
I went to moterboat her and I started laughing, so I just kinda blew on them... I think I'm gona call that move the sailboat.
The money shot is kinda like the "The End" part of a children's book isn't it?
He won't talk to me. He'll only communicate using scissors
THERE IS PRACTICALLY A BEER FUCKING WATERFALL
1. They have gold fish races every wednesday. 2. They have a redbull vodka slushie. We need to visit this place.
1. My fish will beat your fish. 2. Were getting fucked up
When you consider the sheer number of events that had to occur in order to prevent me from fucking her, there must be a god
Listen to me plotting my whoredom.
We established that I was in 5th grade when she was in her final year of grad school. Her daughter is also in 5th grade.
I got drunk enough that when camel suggested jumping off the pier, I thought it was a fantastic plan. Also my blood hurts.
When you are old and getting humped by saggy balls every other weekend you are gonna wish you had more sex with freshly legal boys. Your vagina will thank you one day. Don't let her down.
Please tell me that all of the things I remember doing last night didn't really happen. Please.
No one wanted to hang out so vodka and I are hanging out
If he knew how badly I want to blow him he’d stop talking about his wife
Randomize
