just woke up in the beanbag bin at walmart
she said "lets play dickbreaker!" and then threw my blackberry at my dick as hard as she could.
just got my girl scout cookies. wanna get high?
Her brother walked in on her giving me a bj and just laughed. I got a highfive before I left.
We walked in and they were fucking to Somewhere Over the Rainbow... I need a new roommate.
either she was really happy we won flip cup, or she was too drunk to notice her boyfriend behind her.
Idk tell her to wear something sluttty. I have that one skirt I got arrested in if she wants to borrow?
the other day i was so high i found pages and pages of pictures of HD hamburgers and patriotic music. bong rips for merica.
Apparently there was a black out and the security alarms went off except I was convinced it was the microwaves and made ben unplug them all then got really frustrated cos he wasnt doing it right
Do you think there are other mothers looking at porn in the carpool line?
Topless Tuesday? One of us will be really happy the other not so much.
Well, if it's rabies, your lips will swell just prior to the frothing. Get a lot of good pics!
I woke up under the stretchy sheet like the corners were still stuck under the bed. I had to wiggle the corners off in order to get up. I was trapped. how did that happen
Totally unrelated, but by the way I DO have one ball bigger than the other.
like, there were so many other better not terrible choices you could have made, so i'm honestly baffled that you managed to fuck up that bad
Randomize
