I keep trying to leave, but for some reason I'm staying
if i had a dollar for every time ive had to piece a night together like they did in "the hangover", i bet i could outsell their weekend box office earnings...
He never called back after I emailed him my booty call contract.
I have no memory of puking on someone. Was he cute?
best googles of the semester: toe fucking, purpose of two nostrils, human tail. with pictures
mom just found 19 empty wine bottles in my closet. i hate spring cleaning
I've been meaning to ask you. The first night in the city did we do key bumps with a suicidal homeless man? My memory is fuzzy
you told the cab driver to stop being such a pussy because he wouldn't let you shotgun a beer in the backseat
Didn't know what to wear so I ripped off my bed sheets and tied myself a toga. "a little hungover" is no way to describe me right now.
She pushed me over. She offered me a shot from her tits. We're good now
Bailey. He has a soul patch. Idgaf if he was an NFL player. Nobody with a soul patch is attractive.
I apologized to him for my lack of boobs after he felt me up
We should leave before they realize I dumped a bowl of Fritos in your bag just in case I got hungry
just so it's not awkward when you get here, you and my dog have the same name.
Hahaha nice
Don't EVER mix a flaming shot, with a Jello shot.. As good as it sounds flaming Jello is not a good idea
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