Turns out "bordello" doesn't mean what I thought it did.
NO FUCKING WAY. PLEASE MAKE HER IMPLANT THAT POOR KID INTO A RESPONSIBLE UTERUS.
Did the walk of shame past her kids. I'm younger than one of them.
i kind of just want to tell my cleaning lady I'm an alcoholic so it's not awkward when I stumble out of my room to go sit in my car for 2 hours and wait for her to finish cleaning the several empty bottles of wine in my room
The Wii Fit is already telling me I'm an alcoholic.
You promised me a handle of vodka if I took home her ugly friend. Thanks to law class I took for the 2nd time I know that's a unilateral contract asshole
Woke up under the lifeguard stand sleeping next to mitch our homeless friend. I bartered a summer wardrobe for his last 5 dollar to buy a bfast sandwich. Bring clothes
VODKAVODKAVODKAYESSSS
Shitshow foam night was such a success
For my birthday I want you to get me in bed with Donald Trump. That is all. You have 3 months
I was so high I didn't realize I'd put on someone else's bra. I thought my boobs had shrunk.
Is a swingers hotel appropriate for an anniversary?
I'm 22 and I'm drinking hawaiian punch from a sippy cup. Everything is right in the world.
A drunk and bleeding peter is knocking on your door... in nothing more than a sombrero, boxers and cowboy boots.
He said they were his favorite shoes.. So I threw one down the sewer. Now he'll keep searching the house for the other one. Sweet silent revenge.
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