I love her so much that if I could have sex with her I wouldn't cuz my dick would feel out of place in such a perfect body/vagina
I gave them both handjobs at the same time. Felt like I was skiing
You weren't lying about those ceramics students giving the best hand jobs.
Call me when you get off. I have stories about black lesbians in jail begging to braid my hair...
Sorry, but you probably shouldn't come over. I'm too sober for this.
Just had a tv talk show interview in my mirror. Got into to some pretty heavy shit man, would have made good viewing.
I kind of feel like BP. I'm dressed in green and absolutely horrible for the environment.
It feels like there's puke trying to explode out of me from behind my eyeballs.
It looked like his dick was wearing an argyle sweater.
I had to puke in a ditch beside a cow pasture and like 50 cows just stood there and watched. I could feel the judgment.
I have a 30 minute video visit blind date tonight with a guy in prison. And it's costing me $9. ROCK... BOTTOM...
And let me tell you, getting your ass waxed is the weirdest fucking experience.
Well, we 69'd in the Jacuzzi. If that tells you the kind of night I had. Neither of us knew we could hold our breath that long. Deff. Most. Dangerous. Sex. Ever.
We were drunk at 3am with no food. I sent him to the lobby with ninety cents for like a bag of chips and I swear on my life he came back with a meatball sub
...did you ask him where he got a meatball sub at 3:00am?
He just kept mumbling something about being a hunter/gatherer
Oh AND he got us two bags of chips.
You have ten minutes starting with this message to get here. Or I'm putting my clothes back on.
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