Who said anything about talking that was a booty call
Just bored and untired. I want to be in Austin. At college. Drinking someone elses alcohol. Am I asking too much of life?
i would only ever fuck harry potter if he was on a broomstick.
What's the protocol for seeing the two girls you've been sleeping with in the store WHILE buying condoms?
3some
You're right, stupid question.
Chelsea handler, $19 million - Forbes women top 100. Seriously she shaped her career around her love of vodka. HERO.
no, she just came home, mumbled about being a gerbil out of water then ate half cooked chicken nuggets.. normal night
I'm sorry. I just realized our 'big night out' ended up being you driving my high ass to get burritos and back.
Not sure when or why this happened but I just stopped giving a shit about everything
The CEO is puking on the sidewalk and the HR director just offered me coke. Engineers have the best parties
ive decided that just saying "yes" when people assume I am something other than Caucasian will highly benefit my love life. last night I was native.
He's not very smart so he didn't know I was yelling at him with monologues from Scandal.
if by making eggnog you mean drinking all the spiced rum, then yes, she's making eggnog
Question: anytime during the past week did I drunk dial you and give you full permission to grab my boobs? Cus I know I said it I just don't remember who I said it to...
i just found a pair of your underwear stuffed behind my harry potter books...was that on purpose?
haha no, it was majik
That chick keeps sending eggplant emojis
Welcome to dating in the digital age. Better catch up now that you’re divorced
and eggplant is code for penis. It means she’s DTF. Go get her tiger!!!
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