The bartender told me the best pick-up line was to look deep into her eyes and tell her your gonna flick her vagina
Facebook is used to stalk your friends, Twitter is used to stalk celebritie=s, and Myspace is used to stalk underaged girls. Everything else is porn. T=he Internet in a nutshell.
the date was going great.. until he pulled down his pants and asked if there was any hair in between his cheeks.
They have a pepper shaker for pot.
you think she would figure it out that ever dude that fucks her is just doing it bc they are in a contest to bang the fattest girl
I think it's a friendship ring and the other part is on his cats collar
high enough to want to lick peanut butter off of Michael Buble's vocal chords as he serenades me.
The moment you realize you should grow up: you're snorting your fathers percocet script with your old health insurance card, while your parents are on a 10 day cruise in the carribean...
She said pants are for pussies while spooning peanut butter onto her frosted flakes with a serving spoon. She's not even high yet.
Today is going to be a great day. He just brought me a donut on his dick... It's Sticky Dick Donut Day!!!
What kind of paramedic is he, some dude is dying back there and he's trying to get laid
Are you saying I'm your favorite hot mess?
I'm actually my favorite my hot mess, but you're a close second.
why do guys have to express their feelings when they know your seeing someone else ? I fucked him anyways to make him feel better , and to know what he's missing.
I can't believe I watched you put a tampon in in the parking garage
may or may not have snorted a line of tums... wtf.
Randomize
