whatcha mean you cant get rid of genital warts? thats not what my girlfriend says
I just snorted a line of adderall through a rolled up business card for the Michigan Law Admissions Office.... Tell me I'm not motivated
i think i had a heart attack, prayed, and jizzed my pants.all at once.
We JUST got rid of the new years fatties at my gym and now the spring break fatties are here. goddamn.
It's home.......I'm going to the store in disguise to get skittles and cake frosting. Then I'll eat the frosting in a dark corner while I cry and wonder what I did to deserve this.
I can't even tell you how many rave sticks I tore apart with my teeth last night.
I feel like I shouldn't have to explain to you why giving your cat weed was a bad idea.
Just as I was applauding myself for the best wing man award, I realized we are going to have to burn our futon.
Yeah. I don't know. I'm just gonna show up at her place on valentines day with a jock strap, box of chocolates, and rose clenched between my ass cheeks with "be mine" written across my glorious man titties.
We're eating jello shots in the library. I love the day after Valentine's
I'm going to a one year olds birthday party to smoke weed. What has my life become.
I don't mean to crush your hopes and dreams but having sex IN the Stanley Cup isn't possible
so he's a sleeptalker.
yeah??
"Mitochondria is the powerhouse of the cell" right in my ear. 2 am.
he said "i'm the cat whisperer, watch". he took a hit from the pipe, grabbed the cat and blew the smoke in its ear. he grinned and the cat started purring. it was magnificent
I just want a man in my bed on a regular basis, who cuddles, and who I can also occasionally hang out with outside of my bedroom. Is that too much to ask for?
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