I'm pounding a vodka drink as we speak to make her interesting
I love you
are you drunk
yes but I def love you, we should get married
But I'm Jewish
embrace Jesus
Omg Kevin Jonas is engaged!!!!!!
Omg really? To who. Gay marriage is only legal in like 3 states.
Not only did I see you last night, you had me help you meet women by convincing them you were deaf and only I understood your sign language
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btw good call for not making out for a pitcher of vodka, this hangover is bad enough
I'm at work. It's margarita night. Someone literally just shouted "MURICUH!"
God bless us, everyone.
So, seriously. How does it feel to know that you're riding a cock that was in kindergarten when you were going to prom?
Be my booze princess bebe. I'll rescue you from the lame tidings you are confined to up in the sober castle.
Hahaha more like walk of pride. You entered the lions den last night.
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I know I've become a responsible adult because this time, I'm not going to do the drugs I found on the ground
I want to wait until after I get laid before I ask him his political affiliation. Just in case. I'm so desperate I would bang a Republican
So it's my mom's birthday and I wanted to be super cheap and just walk up to her and say "I got you the greatest gift ever, mom! I'm actually sober right now!".
I'm going to talk him into letting me tie him up, and then just leave him that way and go meet you for fro-yo.
He asked if we were going to take advantage of his drunken state. When we said no he tired to show us what we were missing out on. It was so sad it almost made him cute.
I'm disproportionately drunk. But I also spelled disproportionately right twice so maybe I'm not that drunk
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