dude you apologized to her after she called you stupid. you were like "no i'm sorry, you shouldn't have to be around stupid people, it's my fault"
Woke up and went out for a cigarette and it was dead quiet. It was like the world just knew how many mistakes were made last night.
90 In a 65. Talked my way out of it with the i have to poop story. i am the ticket jesus
My relaxing drive may end up as a surprise bootycall in Pittsburgh. Don't try to stop me.
let's just pour the lemonade mix into the soco. cut out the middle man.
I know this request is pointless but you two please try to keep the drinking and drug use to a minimal, I have bail money so write my number on your arm and a "if found call", wear a life jacket and act like a responsible 28 year old please.
I think he offered to cook me dinner or cook me for dinner. Not really sure. Just smiled and nodded.
I'm concerned I'll look like a hooker on new years eve in this outfit
There are different standards on new years eve. To look like a hooker you literally need to be giving a guy head on the street while he's handing you cash.
She sat on the toilet backwards so that she could hold onto the back part for balance. No she's not ready to go home.
You'd be proud! I didn't lose my id this time... It got confiscated
Just remembered I railed lines while holding a puppy
Not sure if your roommate speaks German while sleeping, or if she woke up, figured out we were fucking, and used German to swear at us.
The worst part is there are all kinds of happy creatures out here like fucking snow white and i'm sitting in semi-dead grass, hungover with a burnt butt
You planned on giving him head in the shower?
More like I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
Whats a little breast milk between friends?
Randomize
