i am sick of getting naked and seeing how fat i am.
he rolled over and started playing skeeball on his iphone after we had the best sex yet considering he only lasted 10 seconds last time.. im getting standards.. tomorrow. for now im just going to enjoy the fact i counted over 20 this time.
Don't worry I'll hold the wheel while you cum
if i found out she had a dick after i got head, does that still make me gay?
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She slept with 4 other guys since we went on a break. And her ex. But apparently she hasn't given any bjs out of respect for me. Why does that comfort me?!
i asked if you wanted help changing your sheets after you threw up in bed. you politely declined. i take no responsibility after that.
I made him drop me off at the wrong house waited for him to leave and crawled through several fences so he couldnt stalk me. How was your night?
I heard you were walking home with taylor with your dress completely up and your ass exposed
Yeah, that sounds like my life.
IT ISN'T. I'M A LITTLE HIGH.
YOU'RE ALWAYS A LITTLE HIGH.
NO. IT'S RARE THAT I'M A LITTLE HIGH. I'M ALWAYS HIGH AS FUCK. THERE'S A DIFFERENCE.
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I told him if he ever gets a "wink" text from me after 10:00pm to assume I really mean "we should be hooking up by 2:30am"
Having boobs is probably the greatest thing in the world, free booze all around
It's hard to hold down the snapchat button for video while thrusting. Sorry if the cinematography wasn't Oscar-worthy.
I'm sitting at dinner with my family looking over sexts. The thirst is far too real. They're talking about retail and I'm like haha, yes, you are all correct.
I just woke up drenched in beer, in a puddle of beer, and cuddling a bottle of tequila
you just don't appreciate it because you've never been arrested
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