I walked up to her and said hello and wanted to ask her if she had fun last night... she asked me if we had met before.
i thought he was 22...he said he was 25..he was 19...im 26..it doesnt count if you dont know right?
i forgot beer had calories. that would explain alot.
There was a gorilla playing an accordion outside of my last final. I miss college already.
I listened to the last 10 minutes of that 20 minute voicemail, it's solid gold. At one point he literally suggests we buy tasers and go around shooting people.
You can't say "they have anal bleaching for that" and then just hang up
Just heard the girl at the bar cuss her bf out and order a long island ice tea. Going to give it 5 min then I'm going in. See you on the other side.
just thought you should know it took me an hour and a half to make soup. I had to keep laying on my kitchen floor. being 21 is hard.
I'm sending you the three minute video I jus took,....it's of me eating a pear up close
It wasn't a basement apartment, it's his parents basement. And he wanted to show me his pet tarantula collection. I NOPED THE FUCK OUT!
She gave me a roadie as we drove home from fireworks. People were still lighting off their displays as we drove by. I love America.
I'm like 89% sure I could get him to buy me a car in exchange for a half-assed handy.
I DONT WANT YOUR DICK. I WANT BRUNCH.
I just want to meet a nice normal guy that doesn't want me to taze him while we have sex. . . . .is that too much to ask for?
honestly performing my own hysterectomy would hurt less than my cramps right now.
Randomize
