everyone contributed. i held her hair back, he rubbed my vag... it was a team effort.
No flamethrowers. That is a direct order.
I just saw her shopping list. The only things on it are blackberries, hot fudge and condoms. I almost don't wanna know. Almost.
They high fived over us while we gave them synchronized blowjobs. In the same bed. Under the same blanket.
using the campers leftover pizza money at the bar. Definition of great counselors right here.
I'm by the dj to the left. Come get me now this girl is talking about baby names and I dnt even no hers
I can't see you
I'm the only one that's wearing a tarzan outfit get your ass over here you douche
She's all pretty and bubbly and nice and I'm sitting here stoned looking like Lucifer.
I seriously told a stripper I would hold her hand when she goes to get ass implants.
Why are there hooting douchebags outside my building? Did a sport happen again?
You guys wanna start around 10:30 tomorrow?
We can start at 5am for all I care. You ask like I have plans.
You FaceTimed me at three in the morning while you were peeing. Your eyes were glazed over and you showed me your bellybutton.
Please remind me next time not to call the ex who cheated on me to cry about the ex who forgave me for putting him in prison. It would be much appreciated.
I can't believe the police had to bring me to my booty call last night
yeah true but how easily can you rip a scrotum
This sucks! All of the twenty something dick I was getting went home when the university closed
Randomize
